metalhead cao cao
by punkkid2332
Summary: during a feast to celebrate a victory against shu, the mighty cao cao has a vison...how will this effect the wei empire?.
1. Chapter 1

dynasty warriors is owned by koei...im just a loyal follower. all the bands are also owned by their respected record companies. 

"a feast is in order!"

cao cao bellows these words after his newest victory against liu bei. the battle had been tough,  
but with his leadership the fool liu bei stood no chance.

"father, must we celebrate so quickly?"

all eyes focused on cao pi, who stands facing his father who sits on his throne. cao cao laughed alittle,  
his son was cunning like himself, but he lacked the exsperience he would need for ruling these lands.

"of course we must, to show those fools of the wu and shu that wei takes their advances like they are nothing!"

"but father, we've lost alot of men!"

"ENOUGH! we shall celebrate their lives and the service they did for the future of wei!".

cheers were heard from cao cao's general's, the man knew how to lay down his laws. cao cao's eyes looked to dian wei.

"dian, tell me what do you think of this victory?"

"my lord...it pleases me that we beat shu's advance on us that quickly...but they will return".

cao cao nodded his head in agreement, they would return with even larger numbers.

"let them dian, we will crush them again and again. they are all fools, honor and loyalty will only get shu so far...the rest belongs to power".

dian looked to the floor, he knew his lords word's were the correct ones. the feast began to go on into the night,  
cao cao's eyes grew heavy as the night wore him out. slipping into slumber...a dream began to take hold.

cao cao woke, he was not in his chambers. instead he was in small room, filled with garbage and filth. his eyes glanced around the room in sheer terror...these clothes were not silk, his hair was filthy. lunging himself out of this bed, he found a full length piece of glass. standing up, his eyes caught what he looked like.

"my god! what is this! this is not my body!!".

it was true, cao cao's body was replaced with a long haired young man. he touched the mirror, the figure in the mirror returned the touch.

"what kind of sorcery is this!"

words were written on the shirt that he wore, by some impossible way he could read the words.

"what is this...cannibal corpse?".

he turned and looked around the room, these posters of men who looked like the man in the mirror. they all wore dark robes and had very strange weapons. cao cao's eyes looked over the words on these wanted posters, wondering what they ment.

"slayer? hatebreed? dragonforce? pantera? megadeth?!? black label?!!! ozzy?!?!...what are these!".

a feeling then came over the ruler of wei, a feeling that came from a device he did not notice before. looking to the corner of the room he noticed a small button with a red light.

"maybe this will get me out of this...".

as he pushed the button cao cao got a ear full of what is now known as metal. he screamed as the drums, shredding guitars,  
and screaming voice pierced his ears. as he clutched his hands over his ears, something inside him snapped...the metalhead inside him had awaken. and as soon as he started to get motivated by this new noise, the dream came to a end.

"...my lord? my lord!? you have fallen asleep".

cao cao's eyes opened slowly to see his cousin Xiahou Yuan watching him.

"...yuan ive had a vision...".

"what of my lord?".

"...metal".

cao cao's eyes were stared with a fire inside of them, this music...this metal is what he requires.

end

so this is my first fic, i know its lame but hey i thought it was funny when it popped into my head. review it or something,  
suggest a band anything, ill probably throw it in the next chapters that will crawl out of this crazy mind of mine.


	2. threads of change

threads of change chapter 2 

the weeks that followed the feast were strange ones indeed, cao cao the most feared ruler of the three kingdoms had changed.  
the quick decisiveness that he was known for slowly slipped away into something more twisted than even lu bu himself. cao cao's voice interupted the silence of that day...yet again.

"NO NO NNNNNNNNOOOO!!! PLAY IT LOUDER!!"

the ruler of wei stood staring at the musicians in front of him, for weeks he's tried to replicate the sounds from his dreams.  
but these pathetic musicians werent even good enough to lick the crap off where his robes touched the ground, and it was making him angry.

"YOU! your suppose to scream! NOT SING! SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!".

"i..im sorry my lord...".

"get out of my sight! you woman, i told you to play harder!!!".

the group played harder and harder, each time getting worse and worse. cao cao's eye started to twitch as his anger grew to new levels.  
he walked up to one of the musicians and kicked him in the face hard, sending him spawling onto his back. cao cao raised his hands into the air.

"you know nothing of metal! i should have you all exicuted for not knowing this music!!! all of you out now!".

the group of artists left quickly, helping their now injured friend out of the throne room. cao cao began to rub his head, it has been three weeks.  
every night had him appear in that room, listening to that music...he wanted it..needed it more than anything, more than the two qiao sisters.

"i must have my metal!!!".

grabbing the nearest thing, he whipped it as he started to tear into every thing around him.

"...father?".

cao cao turned to face cao pi, who stands watching his father go crazy.

"father...what is wrong?".

"wrong? nothing is wrong my boy...im just...redecorating, your mother said it was time to change the throne room around".

cao pi eyed his father and shrugged, the man was starting to loose it in his old age. cao cao then went back to punching holes in the back of the throne as his son left.

"I WANT MEGADETH NOW!!!".

removing his now bruised fist, cao cao began slamming his head against the throne, trying to get the metal out of his head. it hurt, but it was the only thing he could think of. he stopped, one from feeling light headed and two he had someone to think for him, sima Yi.

"bring sima here now! i must speak with him at once!".

a lowly foot soldier obeyed and went to retreve the wei strategists, cao cao thought to himself as he waited. sima Yi would know a way of bringing this music out to him. sima Yi came into the room, fanning himself with his black feathers.

"my lord? you wish to speak with me?".

"yes, i have a problem. you see these visions ive been having, there is music being played while im in these visions".

"...you have musicians my lord, the cou-"

"NO! those fools could not replay the sounds of this music...you must help me sima, you must hear what i hear...it is beautiful".

sima Yi nodded his head and began to think, their was a way. it had very little chance of success but, cao cao seemed desperate.

"my lord...i have a idea...their is a invention that ive worked on that can record sounds. if these visions are in your mind it maybe possible to record them".

"get this device at once!

"yes my lord, but it may take some time...it is still in development".

cao cao took off one of his shoes and threw it at sima, nailing him in the face.

"do i look like i have patience! you will get it to me now or i will hit your balls with a rock!!".

sima Yi's eyes went wide and he nervously bowed as he left, running out of the throne room at full throttle to get the recording device to his lord. cao cao watched him leave, getting a smug look on his face, cao cao eyes drifted downwards...these robes had to change also.

"servant! get me my tailor...i must have new robes".

the servant obeyed and ran off, afew minutes later she returned with the tailor.

five/six hours later

cao cao's robe design was finished and he was proud of it. the words slayer were to be stitched on the back, on the front the words vehemence were to be made on the front.

"yes! YES!! this is what i desire, tailor make these robes and return them to me!".

the tailor bowed and left, all the while trying to forget that his lord has gone off the deep end. and as a final step, cao cao removed his small cap on his head, letting his long hair fall flat. getting off what was left of the throne, the great cao cao then decided to make a annoucement to his loyal followers.


	3. headbutts hurt

cao cao kicked the main doors to his palace open, he was pissed off. he goes out to make a speech and no one pays any attention to him! their leader!. xu zhu watched the angry wei emperor. he then came to his lords aid, surely he can cheer up the irritated ruler of wei. looking at him, xu made a slightly stupid face and asked a question.

"hello my lord, why are you not happy?".

cao cao stared at zhu with a look of pure anger in his eyes, he then brought his hands up and put it on zhu's big shoulders. bringing his head back, he started headbutting the big warrior repeatedly until he fell down.

"next time i will kick your balls into your throat".

turning he made his way torwards the main hall, trying to ignore the people who watched him just headbutt the crap out of one of his own generals. cao cao finally calmed down when he was met by his son cao pi and cao pi's mother Princess Bian.

"so my son, how are you today?".

"...im good father, but mother told me that the throne room did not need redecorating".

cao cao's eyes fell on princess bian, he then said "...my wife, please exscuse us...me and pi must talk".

as she left, cao cao flattened his hand and back handed cao pi in the private area. as his son hit the ground cao cao began walking away, letting out a laugh as he made his way back to his newly updated throne room.  
finally entering the throne room cao cao took a seat and began to think...think of the music from his visions. looking from side to side, and taking note that no servants or general's were around. cao cao stood on his throne,  
put one hand out like he was holding his sword, taking his other hand he began to strum.

"love this song...wait for it...wait for it...NOW!"

cao cao began moving both hands like he was playing the instrament that was tearing through his mind. he began jumping around and screaming. his hair which was already down was all over the place, now that his adreniline was kicked into high gear, he began drumming his arms in the air. moving his arms faster and faster, trying to match the speed at which the drums in his head were going.

"...my lord?".

cao cao looked up, it was cao pi's loyal wife zhen ji. he stared at her as his arms began to slow down, looking around to see if anyone else saw that display. she was staring at him, not like the stare girls would give guys they liked, the stare that people give crack addicts.

"...what?"

"...are you ok?".

"yes zhen ji, i was just fanning my arms like a...duck, sima Yi told me acting like a animal calms the soul".

"..did you hit cao pi in the...you know".

"ok yes i admit that, but he was asking me questions that i didnt feel like answering".

"so you slapped him in the privates?".

"it worked didnt it?".

she was appalled by this, a man would not do that to his own son. cao cao had seriously gone crazy, he headbutted a man most loyal to wei for no apprent reason at all.

"enough of the interigations, either you take off your top or this conversation is over".

zhen ji shook her head and began to leave

"aww come on! as ruler of wei i command you to take...nevermind".

he looked down kind of sad, like a puppy would. but then he had a fantastic idea, a idea so fantastical it would blow sima Yi's mind right out of his head.

"if i get that recording device...and share that music with all...including wu and shu...they will worship me as a god...of rock!".

suddenly at that moment dian wei bursts through the doors, he pointed at cao cao in a angry way.

"are you mad! you know xu zhu is simple! and you just headbutted him for no reason!".

"what you want me to say sorry? he jumped out in front of me, i thought it was a assasination attempt!".

cao cao looked at dian with his serious face, he then walked to dian and put his hands on the big mans shoulders.

"we were just fooling around! who's your buddy?"

"come on dian, who's your buddy? say it with me cao cao's my buddy".

"cao cao's my buddy".

"who's your buddy?".

"cao cao is".

"thats right, now go get a drink, forget all about zhu, he'll be fine".

dian looked at his lord and stared blankly at him, cao cao has lost it. he headbutts generals, hits his sons in the balls, tries to get lady zhen to remove her top. and he's been heard jumping the throne room like a crazed man.

"my lord, are you feeling well?".

"eh yeah im good, alittle tired...".

"are you sure?".

"YES! im fine man! just because i headbutted one man you think im crazy! well this may shock you but zhu is a idiot, i dont think a shot to the head is gonna make him more stupid than that".

dian wei was in shock, but what shocked him more was when cao cao poked him in the eyes and ran the temporary blind man out the door, causing dian to fall down some stairs. cao cao's laughs were heard through out the halls.

"WOOOOO!!!! friggen A! i rock!!!!!! ozzy rules!!!!".

next chapter, cao cao's recording device that sima Yi has been cooking up finally arrives. now will he show them how to rock out? or will they beat him then throw him in a river...find out in the next chapter of metalhead cao cao.

review if you want, dont matter to me...this stuff as random as it is keeps coming into my skull... 


	4. intermission

this is gonna be a intermission for this little fic, and a exsplanation of why im writing it. you see when i would play dynasty warriors four and or five i would put in music to get me motivated to crush the weak peons that the game would send at me. of course this music as you know now is heavy metal, and after playing i would wonder after i turned off my ps2. what would happen when one of the most serious men ive seen in dynasty warriors becomes a deranged metalhead who shouts random things and hits people with his feet, fists and skull. thats where this fic came from, and even though i admit that my writing style sucks, i decided what the hell. might as well let the people decide, but i feel i'm improving on writing, and this story is helping me do that. im not gonna attempt a serious story quite yet, because i would probably mess up in the most horrible manner possible. thats why i want people to review my stuff, to suggest things to me in hopes that one day ill be able to put out a fantastic story that people will enjoy.

my friend after reading this fic asked me why i choose cao cao. i replied "because no one would exspect cao cao to be a metalhead", in the games he was serious all the time. so watching him go nuts and start air guitaring, hitting his head against stuff and just being insaine was funny to me. everyone would exspect lubu to be crazy like that, so i choose the most serious guys. and it did not surprise me that most of them were from wei, sure sun jian would make a funny metal fan, but cao cao...thats just plain messed up. now you know the methods to my maddness and why i wrote the fic and for some reason posted it.

im gonna tell you guys what kind of fics im planning to write, one if i ever EVER do a OC story, i will give some effort into making a story around that character to be believable. and self insert fics, i will probably never do. unless i do a oneshot bull crap story to just screw around with. i find self inserts even though funny to read to be kinda all the same, they magically appear or some scientist pulls them through a dimensional gate. crossover's on the other hand i will do once in a while, because i find them unique in a way. 


	5. injustice in the court

injustice in the court 

finally, after waiting all this time...the recording device that sima Yi was working on for the past week has been completed and handed to cao cao. It was a great moment in cao cao's life. Even better than the birth of his sons, better than having several wives...who would all join him on saturday nights.

"now! NOW IS THE TIME FOR GREATNESS!!!".

"my lord, if your gonna rant, could you please not do it standing on the table? im trying to eat".

cao cao's eyes drifted to one of his most trusted advisor, Xiahou Dun. If it were anyone else, cao cao would of spit a loogey on the mans dinner. But Xiahou was a honest man, loyal to cao cao.

"yes of course!!!!!!".

cao cao hopped off the table and proceeded on with his ranting, the guests had arrived afew hours before and seeing him scream out words like metallica and pantera was kind of scaring them. Sun jian watched from the table set up for the wu generals, he eyed cao cao as the man began to scream incoherently about this "heavy metal". Sun ce watched also, he then looked to his father.

"hey pop...what the hell is he doing?".

"shhh! cao cao somehow seen something thats making him do this".

"no shit pop, look at him...he keeps screaming pantera".

Sun shang xiang watched cao cao as he began to do pelvic thrusts and hand signs. Sticking both hands in the air, cao cao grabbed his two middle fingers with his thumbs and held up the pinkie and pointer. As more words spewed forth from his lips, the wei generals ate like it was a normal occurance.

"dad?".

"yes sun shang?".

"...i think he's smoking opium".

"yeah i think your right".

on the other end of the room sat the table of shu, Liu bei watched in shock as cao cao voice, which striked fear into most was being used in such a weird manner.

"guan, correct me if im wrong...but is cao cao sticking his tounge out and shaking his head".

"...no my lord, you are not wrong".

Zhang fei was laughing at this baffoon, sure cao cao was a man of power, but watching him do this made zhangs day so much sweeter.

"this is great, good wine, good food, cao cao as a jester! this is the best day of my life!".

Xing cai on the other hand was embarassed, both by her father and being the closests one to the table that wei was using. As the wei leader went as what people today like to call "ape shit", sima Yi came into the room with a strange looking device. Motioning to cao cao, he set the thing down on the table and began to tell cao cao what he heard.

"it was...THE BEST THING EVER!!!!".

Cao cao's eyes lit up, it worked! the god damn machine worked!!. Turning back to the room full of generals of the three kingdoms, he pointed to the machine.

"sima Yi...crank that friggen thing to full blast".

"yes my lord".

"may i all have your attention?".

Everyone was already looking at him, no surprise in that department. Gan ning, decided eh what the hell, might as well add his two cents.

"you already have our attention! we've been watching you for the past twenty minutes!!".

A bit of laughter was heard from the crowd, annoying the crap out of cao cao's already short fuse.

"oh yes laugh now! but you wont be laughing for long...the metal will own your soul you tattooed hairy ball sack".

Sun ce was the first to laugh at that comment, he then looked at cao cao.

"i like this cao cao better, he says what he wants to".

"your damn right! NOW PLAY THE MUSIC SIMA!!! PLAY!!!!!!!!!!!".

Sima Yi pulled a lever, and after five minutes of silence...it played. a evil screatching guitar ripped through the ears of all who was there, then the drums came followed by screams of bloodlust and anger. everyone stared at cao cao as he jumped around and screamed out the lyrics.

"METAL!!!!!!! OWWWW MOTHA FUKA!!!!!".

Huang zhong was the first to scream out, but not in pain by the music.

"this is the most FRIGGEN BADASS SHIAT EVA!!!".

Thats when everyone bailed, because if it got to zhong, then the music would turn them into cao cao...and they didnt want that. As they all left the room huang and cao cao were currently screaming and thrashing about in. Sun jian pulled Cao pi and Liu bei aside to discuss this metal matter..of metal.

"ok, cao pi i know your father has gone crazy, but i think its time you take over for him and we must all agree never to listen to metal again".

"agreed".

"yeah yeah".

"good, now we must decide what to do with cao cao and huang...hmmmm".

As jian thought about the matter, zhen ji approached and looked to pi. Her eyes studied the three men as they narrowed it down to two things, bury him upside down in dirt and forget about cao cao, or send him to japan and let them deal with the problem. She then voiced her opinion, as the three stood by thinking.

"we could try to intervine and rehabilitate lord cao cao".

"thats just crazy enough to work...".

"yeah the people in japan are touchy about the crazies...you cant just send any messed up person there".

"thats true, we tried to send Xiahou after he ate his eyeball".

"how about this, we try to rehabilitate cao cao and if that doesnt work...we build a tall box, bury him upside down in it then send that to japan?".

"great idea Liu bei, combine all three idea's into one fantastic idea".

"that works for me".

The three shook each other's hands, it was agreed upon. Something must and will be done about cao cao's rampage, even if its drastic and semi-sadistic.

* * *

was that great? cao cao has a new buddy to hang with and listen to music with too. but how will they set up the first rehab clinic for cao cao? and will it be enough to quell the thirst for metal inside him? and what about huang? tune in next time for metalhead cao cao... 


	6. rehab blues

chapter 5: rehab blues

working up the nerve to talk to his father was tough enough for cao pi, now he had to tell his dad that they were putting him in a rehab setting and cutting him off from his obsession.

"father we need to talk".

"nah not right now...im making a new law where everyone is required to have long hair".

"...right, ok now dad were gonna have a intervention".

"what the hell is that? is it a metal band?...have you finally converted to metal my son?!".

cao pi smacked his forehead and looked down, his father, one of the most brilliant men in wei is now compairable to a retarded monkey.

"no father...its kinda like a hospital, but with no metal".

"...you son of a bitch".

cao cao stood up calmly and leaped at his son, cracking his skull against cao pi's. Looking around to find something to beat his now unconsious son with, he found a jade figurine that he used to drop onto his sons...well between his sons legs. After doing that he did what every self-respecting metalhead would do at a moment like this, fart on his sons face.

"I OWN YOU!!!! OWWWW!".

running while looking back at his son, he ran through the doors of the throne room. Turning his head back forward so he can run normally, he ran right into Dian wei's fist. Dian then picked up cao cao and carried him to the designated room for the intervention. In this room there were seats in a circle, and dian put cao cao in one. As cao cao awoke, he came face to face with all the people that this incident has effected. Cao pi was the first to speak up to his father, still in pain from the last thing that was dropped between his legs.

"father i need to tell you that i probably wont have children".

"...so? we dont need anymore retards in this family".

cao pi sat down slowly, biting his lip in pain as he did. xu zhu was the next to speak to his lord, still loyal to him even after the headbutts from hell.

"my lord, you hurt me so...did i do anything to hurt you?".

"no! you just were there and i needed to vent...".

xu zhu nodded in agreement and sat down, much to the dismay of everyone else. dian wei came after xu zhu to speak to cao cao, and he was not happy.

"my lord, you hit your sons privates, headbutt a simple man and tell women to take off their tops".

"and? it sounds normal to me".

zhen ji stood up, not being able to take it anymore.

"you tell me to take off my top and your ruining my and cao pi's chances for children!".

"ok you need to either show me the twins or get over it".

zhen looked at him more pissed than ever before, reaching to her flute she raised it over her head and was aiming for cao cao's skull when dian stopped her.

"no lady zhen, he can be saved. the real cao cao is a strong man...he's in there somewhere".

cao cao looked at dian with the look skeptics give pictures of bigfoot, shaking his head he let out a laugh.

"are you on crack or something mr.clean?".

they all looked at each other, the intervention was not working...step two was rehab.

in another more secluded room

cao cao sat alone with xiahou dun, reaching over to his side he handed three dolls to cao cao.

"ok cao cao, pretend that doll is you and those two are cao pi and...dian wei".

"ok!".

cao cao began playing with the dolls, he then made the doll of himself headbutt the two.

"yeah thats how i basically rule...with a iron fist".

xiahou watched him and leaned back, this did not look good for cao cao.

"ok thats you still but that one is huang and that one is...guan yu".

cao cao made his doll and the huang one start jumping up and down on the guan yu doll.

"yeah, thats it...take that you bearded douche".

"ooook now just using one, pretend that one is zhen ji".

cao cao took off the dolls shirt

"yeah thats all shes good for".

xiahou stood up and went outside the room, closing the door behind him. Looking to everyone else he sighed and shook his head.

"this metal...has messed him up really good".

"how bad is it?".

"he's worse than lubu".

everyone was in shock, cao cao's mind worse than lubu's!?. As they pondered on what to do next with the man, a suggestion was thrown on the table by none other than sima Yi who magically appeared out of god knows where. He looked over to xiahou and began to converse with him.

"what if we play regular music when he's asleep?".

"wait sima i thought you liked metal?".

"yeah, but cao cao's getting annoying...he threw a wet piece of paper on my face yesterday...as much as the music is good, its getting out of hand...also threats against my balls are becoming too common".

"i agree with the music idea, and the threats against the balls".

"shall we try it tonight then?".

everyone nodded their heads, this had to work. They didnt want send him buried upside down in a box of dirt to japan, because for some reason they knew if he got to japan it would be hell. He would convert everyone there to metalheadism, causing a uprising in japan that could spread to china as well. That, and those people love the crazies too much for their own good.

* * *

DUN DUN DUUUUUNN!!!! this maybe the end for metalhead cao cao...or just the beginning!? could cao cao travel to japan and convert people their to metalheadism? this may become a dynasty warriors crossover with samurai warriors. the timelines might not fit, but what the hell its my fic!!!. 


	7. come sail away, come and sail away cao!

Cao cao slowly snuck out of his room, he knew they were plotting against him. Because of the musicians sitting in his room when he arrived. He laid awake until the musicians fell asleep before leaving. Looking around, he found two lone guards posted at the end of the hallway. He decided to distract them with his awsome mental and metal strategy. Grabbing one of his shoes he ran up and started smacking the guards faces with it, while screaming. 

"EAT MY SHOES BITCHES!!!".

"OWW what the?!".

"MY EYE!!!!!".

After disposing of the guards, he grabbed the one who was knocked out by his shoe. Stripping the guard, cao cao threw the uniform on himself. but before he left the two unconsious guards, he made it so the unclothed guard was laying with his ass in the air. While moving the other one into a position that would make them look well...fruity.

"god i rock...".

Finally deciding to make his escape, he went to wish his sleeping son luck on ruling wei before leaving.

"my son...i must have changed over these months into something you dont reconize anymore...im sorry for that. you have always been a strong man, a confident man. i want you to rule over my great empire while iam gone...im sorry for hitting your balls again".

Opening a window, cao cao ran over punched his son in the balls and jumped out the window...all with in five seconds. landing head first on a stone walkway, he stood up and brushed himself off before making a break for the horse stable.

"my god, those things are huge!!! they are almost dragging on the ground!!!".

Finding a stick, he poked a horse in the balls for about five minutes before deciding this horse would be awsome to run away with and poke when he got bored...thats a two in one deal!. hopping onto the horse, he got the horse to face the doorway.

"GO! UGLY HORSE WITH HUGE BALLS!!!".

The horse jerked the reigns and took off, cao cao proud about making the horse run forgot about the height of the doorway, A loud crash was heard when his head collided with the top of the doorway.

"DUMB HORSE!! im getting your balls cut off".

Cao cao's horse ran through the gate, because it would be too hard to exsplain why the gate was left open at three in the morning. As the horse made its way torwards a village, it tripped over its gigantic balls, causing cao cao and the horse to hit the ground.

"GOD DAMN!!! I SHOULD OF GOTTEN A CHICK HORSE!!".

Running up to the horse who was still in pain and shock, he smacked the horse on the face. Cao cao then pointed at the horses eye and poked it before letting out a rant filled with anger.

"listen here horse, im going it alone now. So you can take your balls and drag them back to where you came from".

Life on the road was sweet to cao cao, he can jump around to the metal in his head all day. He could also pull pranks on the pesants when they slept in their tiny little shacks that they call houses. Usually lighting said shacks on fire got the most laughs out of him, including when the pesants ran out on fire.

"man this is great! the fresh air, open roads! pesants with no teeth...wait thats not".

Before he could finish his last words, cao cao found himself in the middle of a town filled with rednecks. These werent the normal rednecks...they were pesants from china rednecks who ate potato's right out of the ground and used rocks to cook their food.

"howdy! ya'll needen dem directions?!".

"what are you? god man, where are your teeth!".

"i sold em...for booze money".

"...right, ok yeah gimme directions to the capitol of shu".

"i dunt know where dat is, but dat wei palace is just ova yonder!".

Cao cao looked over to where the redneck and slightly inbred man was pointing, surprisingly he was right. Cao cao had wandered for days around the wei palace and never took notice of it.

"huh? well ill be damned...i guess i should of walked in a straight line".

Turning back to the redneck, cao cao socked him in the jaw then kicked the man in the jewels when he was down.

"DONT EVER POINT OUT THE OBVIOUS TO ME DICKHOLE!".

making the rock-on signs with his hands, he screamed hatebreed while taking off into the sunset torwards the coastline. As he came closer to the coast, he noticed a small fishing vessel. Not taking his hands down from the rock on sign, he kicked the crap out of the fisherman and casted off torwards the unknown.

* * *

cao cao has made a break for it, where will his boat land? japan? alaska? new jersey? find out next time on metalhead cao cao. 


End file.
